Men are violent by nature, and this is a fact! Every man out there has the potential to be a monster, and you don’t need to look very far to find some examples of what I am talking about rapists, pedophiles, and school shooters. These men do exist, no question about it, BUT they represent a very small portion of men. So why are some capable of unspeakable acts of violence while most are not? Is toxic masculinity really toxic, or could it be something else?
Before we answer the question above, let’s define toxic masculinity.
What is toxic masculinity ?
As per the Oxford Dictionary: toxic masculinity is a set of attitudes and ways of behaving stereotypically associated with or expected of men, regarded as having a negative impact on men and on society as a whole. “The destructive messages associated with toxic masculinity can lead to men feeling entitled to engage in violence against women.”
Verywellmind.com describes it as “the notion that some people’s idea of “manliness” perpetuates domination, homophobia, and aggression. Toxic masculinity involves cultural pressures for men to behave in a certain way. And it’s likely this affects all boys and men in some fashion.”
Finally, here is what good old Wikipedia has to say about it “Toxic masculinity is a set of certain male behaviors associated with harm to society and men themselves. Stereotypical aspects of traditional masculinity, such as social dominance, misogyny, and homophobia, can be considered “toxic” due in part to their promotion of violence, including sexual assault and domestic violence. Socialization of boys often normalizes violence, such as in the saying “boys will be boys” about bullying and aggression.”
Judging by the above definitions: it seems that toxic masculinity is related to negative male behaviors like violence against women, misogyny, aggression, homophobia, and bullying. Ok, sure, I guess that makes sense, right?
But are those male behaviors, or are they just human behaviors?
Violence against men – the numbers
Let’s start with violence and aggressive behaviors. As per the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner. Socialsolutions.com confirms these statistics and mentions that 1 in 4 gay men, 1 in 3 bisexual men, and 3 in 10 heterosexual men will experience rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime. 44% of lesbian women also experience rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their life type.
Across the board, the statistics show that 33% of women experience some form of domestic violence compared to 25% of me, but one stat I found interesting is that 44% of lesbians, women that are in relationships with other women, experienced violence. This is a higher rate of abuse than heterosexual women. How can this be?
Here is a chart that is worth looking at; it was shared by the BBC regarding domestic violence done against men:
Almost 60% of men reported emotional abuse. Could it be that women are just as violent as men, but how they abuse their partners is simply different? Let’s explore this question.
Misogyny vs. Misandry
Misogyny is hatred of, contempt for, or prejudice against women. Misandry is the exact same thing, except it is towards men. One is a form of sexism against women, and the other is a form of sexism against men. Be honest with yourself, is our society more sexist against women, or is it the opposite? Is our society, in fact, more sexiest against men?
Women calling men toxic for being misogynistic based on the fact that they are male is sexist. The feminist movement has evolved from wanting equality to wanting to replace the “patriarchy” with a matriarchy. Feminists don’t want to be equal to men; they want to dominate men. Feminists are some of the most privileged individuals in the world today. They complain about all the negative things men do but fail to realize that these same traits are why their privileged, feminist lifestyles are even possible in the first place… Who do they call if their house is on fire? A man with a hose. Who do they call if they need someone to save them? A man with a gun. Who builds and maintains the infrastructure they use every day? Who builds the houses they live in? Who fixes their car? Who picks up their garbage? MEN! Men are always ready to help them.
Did you know that more than 90% of the most dangerous jobs in the world are done by men? Is this because women can’t do these jobs? Of course not! It’s because they don’t want to! It’s an outrage when they realize that 86% of engineers are men, “WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS,” but where is the outrage about the lack of women logging workers, roofers, iron and steelworkers?
Did you know that men are 10 times more likely to be killed at work? Yet no one talks about this. And here is the irony: do you know why good men do all these dangerous jobs? Because we care about our women and our families… and for that, we are called toxic!
Is bullying really a male problem?
As per verywellfamily.com, there are 2 main types of bullying: physical and relational aggression. Relational aggression is described as verbal assaults, ostracizing, spreading rumors, gossiping, etc. And here is a shocker for you: both genders bully differently. Who knew?
Male bullies tend to be more physical, while their female counterparts tend to use a more psychological approach, like relational aggression. As per pacer.org , 6% of male students reported physical bullying, and 4% of girls, but 18% of girls reported and 9% of boys reported being the subject of rumors. As per usnews.com: “Almost 1 in 5 girls ages 12 to 18 said they have been the subject of rumors, according to the National Center for Education Statistics. Nearly one in 10 said they’ve been purposefully left out of activities. And a 2011 survey of students in grades 3-8 found that as many as 48% of girls and 42% of boys reported experiencing social bullying in the past 30 days.”
So I ask again, is bullying a male problem? Or is it that males and females bully differently. Judging by the numbers, girls and women are the biggest bullies… Interesting, isn’t it?
Violence against men is normalized
Considering that men and women tend to use different ways to abuse others, this doesn’t mean women do not also use physical violence. How many times have you seen a woman slap a man in the face in a movie or a YouTube video? It happens all the time, but we think it’s ok because men are bigger and stronger than women. So not only are men abused psychologically at a higher rate, but we have normalized women hitting men. These are the same women that have the audacity to call TOXIC!
Could it be that violence is a human behavior, not a male one? Clearly, that’s what the statistics indicate, so why does that violence seem to be a male problem?
Until next time, remember that the world is changed one man at a time and that it only takes one man to change the world!
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